the first of many

It seems like I held da ninj as a squirmy baby just yesterday and I am floored to think that she will be 4 this year. 4!! It really does go so fast and I already miss so much about her as a baby. Yes it is always exciting when she moves onto to new things. I remember eagerly counting down to her first birthday because it meant she could now drink whole milk and no longer needed formula. Then eventually meals became easier as she would not only eat what we ate, but could also feed herself. Finally came the last of the diapers. We were elated when she finally became potty trained and we no longer needed to buy diapers. See these things we so fret about as out kids grow up, eventually have a way of panning out. Now I think how soon she will start kindergarten and have to be in school 5 days a week. I know that will just be the beginning of my little girl really belonging to the world. I now sit and wonder if I could ever do it again. The breastfeeding, the sleepless nights, the changing of diapers every 20mns, the bathing so carefully. I always pictured my kids being close in age, like me and my brother, but i see that this is clearly not going to happen. Once I had E I realized I could not have kids back to back, perhaps had E been easier, calmer, but she is so high spirited, so strong willed and fiercely independent that she is truly a force to be reckon with. I do love her personality and am glad she is so sure of herself. I know not now, but in the future it will come in handy. These nights I come home so tired, I just want to sit on the couch and watch TV but I hear her little voice calling me and go in her room and read to her, and I try and soak it all in because soon she will start reading her own books and start wanting more privacy and I will possibly be a burden to her, the uncool mom. So I treasure each night, each kiss and each hug.