Monday, June 7, 2010

This weekend

yep, this about sums it up

This weekend was rough. I keep thinking Emma can behave somewhat civilly only to be disappointed, not in her, but at myself for not having patience or acceptance. I had a whole day planned, breakfast at Cafe Henri, walk around LIC and then hit up the Renegade Fair in Brooklyn. Emma lasted maybe 5 minutes in her high chair and then wanted to take off , so we had to put Toy Story on and I could feel the other parents eye staring at us and judging us for calming our kid down with TV. I felt like a failure because I am against my daughter watching too much TV, yet it is the one thing that will keep her seated and give us a chance to eat our meal. Breakfast was ruined and then she was ready for her nap so we skipped the walk along the pier in hopes she would nap in the car as we drove from Queens to Brooklyn. We get to Brooklyn and there was no nap and Emma is running on empty but cant be stopped. I try to look at things but can't focus because she is crying, hot and cranky. We had to cut the day short and by 1pm we were heading home. That was the shortest we had ever stayed out with her. Usually we plan to stay for the whole day but the heat plus no nap just was a recipe for disaster.

I look at other kids who are younger, the same age or older than Emma and wonder why they are able to sit through one meal. They simply SIT. They play or color and they sit. I cant help but wonder why Emma cant sit. She has to be moving all the time and climbing everything. It is a little sad to know that for now, I cannot take my family out to eat at restaurants and Emma is only "good" when she is outdoors and unrestrained. She is like Mowgli, but it is not the end of the world and I am so grateful that she is healthy and brings unmeasurable joy to my life. She is funny and she is full of love and I adore her. We share moments that make me forget about the struggles I have with her. For example yesterday at the market she was crying to be taken out of the cart. So of course I take her out and I think she wants to be put down but she hugs me...she hugs me really hard and keeps hugging me and just stays in my arms. I was very happy, on cloud nine, and tho she weighs a lot and after 5mns of carrying her my biceps were burning, I keep holding her.

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