Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Oh the ninj and the baby store

Last night and this morning was a tad rough. I started weaning Emma of her "bebe", aka pacifier and it didn’t go as smoothly as I hoped, but then again I knew it would not be an easy transition. I know lack of sleep was the main reason I held off as long as I could. What I ended up doing was giving her a pacifier with a missing nipple and said, “Oh no bebe is broken”. She repeated it over and over and just tossed it aside and wasn’t in the least bit upset. She was in bed, reading and seemed fine so I left her for the night and at 10pm I could hear she was still up, only now she was no longer reading but was crying. And this wasn’t her usual ‘I’m not ready to sleep’ cry, but a very heartfelt cry that just pierced my heart. I had to go see and she had these big fat tears streaming down her cheeks and when she saw me grabbed my hand and walked me over to her bean bag and asked me to read her some more books. I read her two more (cuz I’m a sucker) and then pretended to sleep. She was so funny because she got out of her bed to lie next to me on the bean bag and looked over at me and caressed my face. She then kissed my cheek and I just couldn’t stop smiling. She was being the maternal one and it filled me with joy. She of course continued to read but she read in her quiet voice, which just cracks me up. Eventually I watched her fall asleep and man it took like an hour and half. At 1130 I transferred back to her bed and went to my own. At 5am I hear her crying right up against her door. She is jiggling the door knob, and thank god she still can’t figure that one out. What I will do with a little ninja running around the house at 5am, lord help us all. Anyway, she is crying "momma papa momma" and I cave in and give her the pacifier but she still won’t sleep. I finally give her some milk and just let her cry. The milk and nuk help.
All morning she was super cranky and I don’t blame her. She slept maybe 5 good hours. I’m cranky myself. I was perhaps a bit impatient with her this morning as she was not cooperating and making my morning tasks much harder than they should be. I asked the sitter to please only give her the broken nuk in hopes that in three days she will be pacifier free! Where did the time go? I remember how she hated the pacifier as a newborn yet somehow I thought it would be best if she took it. Now I have learned my lesson for number two (if and when). It hits me how in a short while I really won’t need to buy more nuks and eventually no more wipes or diapers. I remember how much I used to live at the Baby store in the beginning, looking at new items wondering which ones would make my life easier. All the pacifiers, wipes, teething toys, creams I tried. I remember with fondness how new everything was for me, and how a store I never even thought of shopping at, became my home away from home. I now look at Emma with wonder and excitement every time she encounters something for the first time. How something as simple as seeing a horse for the first time fills her with joy and fear and we take it for granted that horses have always been around. I am getting a chance to relive things for the first time and I try and recorded her expressions of amazement each time she comes across a new thing. She is my little girl and I get very sentimental each night as I tuck her in, knowing that the next day she will be taller and smarter and more capable of doing things on her own. I just want time to stand still and I want to be with her all the time.

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